A New Day

We have started a new parenting approach. Okay not entirely new. We've been slowly working on the path and have finally decided to jump in with both feet. We have gotten rid of punishments (time outs in our case) and rewards (whether it be treats for good deeds or verbal praise for good deeds etc). Does this sound harsh? No, it's actually the opposite. Does it sound hard? Oh yes it truly is! We have no threats, nothing to hang over our child's head ......... and we think it feels just right.

We have been watching a video I got from the library called Unconditional Parenting: Moving from Punishment and Rewards to Love and Reason. There are guidelines, but no real answers to not using time outs and rewards. It's been a struggle. We are on Day Three. Our house is more calm and united. Jackson is doing very well and beginning to think about the way others feel.

Now there is still lots of hitting, name calling and "I hate you's". We try to deflect what we can and ask lots of questions. We give space when asked and remain calm when our little one is not.

I a, also reading a book called Calm and Compassionate Children. This book has more ideas and activities to help with our new approach.

It's all about working with your children as opposed to making them do what we want them to do.

I had my first major struggle this morning about taking the dog for a walk. We are rehabilitating our dog after her knee injury ( I will talk about that another day) and she needs to have two walks a day and us do exercises with her. So this morning Jack agreed to go for a walk with us after he finished doing what he was into. When the time came to go, he refused. Nothing I could do would change his mind. So I reverted back to our old methods and told him I would take away what he was playing with ..... how mean! He reacted very strongly and got violent, with myself, Dylan and Betty. Well then it led to a time out ..... you see the hole I dug. He was so angry and hurtful and I just couldn't take it anymore. We talked after we'd both calmed down and ended up going for a lovely walk.

The big question is why? Why did I decide to push for that walk at that time? Things will happen slowly, or not at all some days. I just have to let go. Think about how me requests make my children feel. And let my children make more decisions of their own. For example Jack had an accident outside. He decided that he didn't want to change his pants. I let it go. He's happy, not uncomfortable. Sure he'll need a bath when he comes in, but he'd needed that anyways. It's his choice. He knows I'll be waiting with soap, towel and a cozy new set of clothes when he's ready. And that is what counts. That he know I am here for him. Okay enough blabbering.

On a totally other topic I apologize for not getting going on my Etsy shop contest sooner. I am figuring some things out and hope to have time soon! I am also working on a new blog. Another one?! Yes another one. This is going to replace my Fashionista Farmer Blog. I am not a fashionista nor am I a farmer, let's get real.